The official blog of author Jean Marie Bauhaus

Tag: Sasha

Sasha

sashaSasha first came into my life — or rather, I came into hers — in January of 2005, not long after Matt and I started dating. It was my first visit to his apartment, and we were both excited for me to meet his only pet, this dainty little black and white kitty that he’d gotten as a kitten only two years before. She was a cutie, all right, and she clearly adored Matt — and she HATED me on sight.

I spent a lot of time at that apartment over the couple of years that followed, and I tried everything I could think of to get Sasha to like me. Every now and then, she’d seem to soften toward me. She’d let me play with her, trying to catch my hand as I wiggled my fingers over the arm of the couch, or losing her cool (in the good way) over a piece of yarn whenever I brought my knitting over. Every now and then, she’d even let me pick her up for a cuddle.

Except that the games were usually considered “won” once she  managed to inflict pain and draw blood, and the brief cuddles usually ended with her hissing and slapping me in the face. It was abundantly clear that, to her, I was merely “the other woman” and she had no use for me, but I just never learned. Or rather, I was determined not to give up, because it was also abundantly clear that Matt and I would be together for the long haul, so she just had better get used to me.

A few months before our wedding, Matt’s apartment complex caught on fire. Worried that the fire might reach his apartment, he brought Sasha over to my place, and since we were already planning to live there after the wedding, we decided to leave her there and give her time to adjust to living in a new place and get used to my pets — Niblet, my brown tabby, and Fizzgigg, my toy poodle (who I suspect was actually a malti-poo). Fizzgigg had been over to the apartment a few times, so he and Sasha were well acquainted, but this was the first time she’d met Niblet, and, excepting a short time spent at her grandparents’ house and being exposed to their cat, it was her first time having to put up with Another Cat.

Sasha was not a happy camper. We tried to introduce her and Niblet slowly, but somehow, the pet gate between them got torn down and the fighting commenced. Niblet didn’t know what hit her. She was almost twice Sasha’s size, and yet Sasha was a tiny spitfire who kicked her hinder up and down my loft, jumping her at every chance. Eventually, Niblet learned to fight back, and Sasha became less prone to ambushing her, but they still fought like… well, like cats. Once, poor Fizzgigg got caught in the middle and took a claw in the eye. Eventually, they all learned to get along, albeit grudgingly, and we settled in as a family. Except that Sasha still wanted very little to do with me.

2008 brought with it a series of events that once again rocked Sasha’s world. First Fizzgigg, the one family member she seemed to like other than Matt, passed away, and then a few months later we moved into our current house. Shortly after that we got Pete. Sasha spent the first six months or so in our new house hiding behind the living room couch, only coming out to eat. Just as she was starting to come out of hiding for more than just long enough to eat and pee, Boudica showed up and sent her scurrying right back behind the couch. But gradually, she started venturing out, and getting to know the new cat, and she and Boudica eventually became buddies. More amazingly, Sasha even started to tolerate and occasionally even play with Pete. And she no longer fought with Niblet (at least, not often).

And she still didn’t like me much.

Then, something amazing happened. I caught Sasha clawing at the carpet, and Matt wasn’t readily available to get onto her about it, so I had to do it myself. At this point, I had been part of this cat’s every day life for five years, and she still acted like I was an annoying stranger. But once I took charge and disciplined her, it was like a flip got switched, and suddenly she acknowledged that she was my kitty, too. After that, she started letting me love on her, and she even got in my lap a few times (though she was never much of a lap kitty). She even submitted to letting me do things like trimming her claws, and medicating her sores when she developed flea dermatitis.

All the same, though, she was always kind of a loner, and kept mostly to herself. Which is why we didn’t notice the tumor growing inside her armpit until it became the size of a golf ball.

Matt wasn’t available to accompany us the first time I took her to the vet to get it checked out. So it was just her and me in the truck on the way to the vet’s office, her exploring the cab and meowing with a mixture of fear and curiosity, me trying to reassure her while navigating the freeway, and then she ended up in my lap, then up on my shoulder, clinging to me while she watched out the window. She kept clinging to me in the vet’s office in between examinations and medications.

Surgery followed, and we thought maybe that had saved her. Then there were follow-up appointments, and when it became clear that the cancer was back, weekly appointments to get her medicated and hydrated. Matt went with us on most of the subsequent trips, and Sasha quickly got to where she enjoyed the ride, stretched out on the bench between us in the sunlight. With Matt on crutches, I was the one who held her during the exams, the one she clung to once the vet finished poking around on her. It touched me, the way this cat who for five whole years wanted nothing to do with me was holding onto me for reassurance. It also tore at my heart, because I could feel her growing lighter with each passing week as she began wasting away.

We started letting her go outside when the weather became warm. She had been an indoor kitty all her life, so to her it was like a trip to Disney World. It didn’t take long for her to start asking to go out on her own, and she’d just go out and lie down in the grass and sleep, contentedly, in the sun. Sometimes we’d go sit with her, and she’d rouse and go back and forth between us, head-butting our legs, before settling down between us, purring and kneading her claws in the grass. We also started giving her canned food to help keep her hydrated, and she instantly became addicted, following Matt every time he went into the kitchen and demanding her food. She had a voracious appetite for the stuff.

On Sunday, it became clear that her illness was finally getting the better of her. She was walking more slowly, and she couldn’t jump up on the couch by herself, and stumbled when she tried to jump down. That didn’t keep her from following Matt into the kitchen, but she couldn’t eat as much as she had been. By the time we went to bed on Sunday night, we half expected that she wouldn’t make it through the night.

And yet, on Monday morning, she was there to follow Matt into the kitchen. She ate an entire can of Fancy Feast, which gave us hope, and afterwards she begged to go outside, where she lay down in the grass. After a while, when she hadn’t moved, Matt went to check on her, and she couldn’t even lift her head to greet him. I went out with them, and we just sat there with her for a long time, petting her and telling her how much we loved her, what a good kitty she had been, and saying our goodbyes.

But then she found the strength to get up, and we all came back inside. We settled her on the couch, on the quilt she liked so much, and spent the day just being with her. Every now and then, Matt would bring her a bite of food, and she managed to purr as she ate it. Later, we took her back outside to get some more sun.

When we went to bed that night, we both kissed her, and told her again how much we loved her, and that we hoped to see her in the morning. But she left us in the night. Matt found her Tuesday morning in her bed, a bed I had knitted for her and the other cats. We wrapped her up in it and took her out to my mom’s, where we laid her next to Fizzgigg in a part of the yard that serves as a pet burial ground. It’s a pretty, shady spot, quiet and peaceful, with the sounds of the lake lapping against the shore down the hill as background music to the neighbor’s wind chimes.

If you had told me five years ago that I would be so heartbroken to lose Sasha, I might have been a little dubious. Of course I would have been sad, but at that point I still thoroughly thought of her as Matt’s cat, just as she did. But she has been my kitty as much as his these past few years, and especially these last few months. She still adored Matt more than any other human, but she made it clear that she loved me, too, that I was no longer the Other Woman. Somewhere in there, I had become Mom.

Good night, Sasha girl. We love you and we miss you, but you’ve earned your rest. Say hi to Fizzgigg for us, and try not to poke his eye again when you two play together up there.

Throwing in the towel on Camp Nano — and on even trying to cope with this week.

I think it’s time to throw in the towel and admit defeat on this round of Camp Nanowrimo. I haven’t had the time or energy to write in a solid week, and I don’t think I’m doing my book any favors by trying to force a daily word quota. I think it would be better served by sticking to my “at least 30 minutes a day” goal and remembering that a little progress is better than no progress.

So what’s been keeping me so busy for the last week? Taxes and tragedies, pet trauma and illness and vet appointments, scrambling to wrap up projects so I can get paid and to find new clients and projects to replace the ones I’m finishing, weather woes, prayer and reflection and Bible study, and a lot of just sitting here feeling numb and hugging on my husband and furbabies and wondering what the world is coming to. And tea. Lots of brewing and imbibing of tea.

The entire week has been stressful and surreal, starting last Thursday when I ended up spending the entire day going over my accounting records and making sure everything was in order, thanks to procrastinating on it for an entire year. Friday was all errands and making up for the freelance work I skipped on Thursday.

Saturday started out with accidentally sitting on my tiny dog, who was sleeping under a blanket on the couch. He wasn’t seriously injured, but he was sore and pretty sore with me for a while, and I of course felt like a horrible human being and pet mom. Saturday was also doing our taxes day, which we elected to do ourselves this year to save about a hundred dollars by using Turbotax instead of a professional tax preparer, and let me tell you, that extra hundred dollars to let somebody else who knows what they’re doing do all of the paperwork while you just sit there is well worth it if you can afford it. And between having underpaid my 2012 estimated self-employment taxes and having to pay back a portion of our first-time homebuyer’s credit from 2008, we owed quite a bit more than we expected to, and Sunday was figuring out what to do about that, along with housework and yard work.

Monday was when it took a turn for the surreal and tragic, which I’m sure you well know. We had just gotten home from a morning spent running tax-related errands about half an hour before the first tweets from Boston started circulating, and like pretty much everyone else I spent the rest of the day in shock and failed to get much else done. Tuesday was Sasha’s vet checkup, and we also took Pete for his annual and to have him looked over to make sure we hadn’t missed any hidden injuries from Saturday’s incident, and it was also a day of trying to catch up on client work. Wednesday, yesterday, was all about client work, and, not having slept well the last two nights, I was very tired and ready for bed when we finally turned in.

And yet, I was not so tired that the storms didn’t keep me awake, which meant I was up to hear the tornado sirens go off around midnight. I got up and ran into the living room to turn on the TV and check the weather to see if I needed to wake Matt up and take cover (I didn’t – the worst of it was well south of us) and spent the next hour on the floor in front of the TV watching the radar and praying for all of the Tulsa suburbs in the path of a tornado and making sure that we were out of danger. Finally, they gave the all-clear for the city of Tulsa proper, and I turned off the TV and went back to bed. And the tornado sirens continued to blow for another hour or so after that. My nerves, they were wracked.

This morning, I awoke to the news that the tornado had touched down again in some small towns to the east, but thankfully, nobody was seriously injured, although some folks, including the son of a friend of mine, lost their homes. I also saw the news about what’s happening in Texas, and I think that, on top of everything else this past week, is what finally broke my brain. I have work I need to do, but I have not slept well for the last three or four nights, and I’m very tired, and I’m very sad, and I just want to sit here and curl up with a cup of tea and my dog (who loves me again, although he jumps down from the couch when he sees me coming) and look at pretty things on Pinterest and maybe get off the computer and go make something pretty with my own two hands.

But: I have work to do, and my clients need their websites, and I need to get paid, and I need to find my focus and get it done. I will take a moment to count my blessings, because I know I have so much to be thankful for, make another cup of tea, go kiss my husband, and get to work.

A Tiny Glimmer of Hope

2013-Participant-Facebook-Cover

Project: Radium Town, the Steampunk Weird West adventure set in my hometown of Claremore, Oklahoma at the dawn of statehood and featuring Will Rogers and Tom Mix.

Writing stage: First Draft

Today’s Word Count: 485. It came really close to being zilch, so I’ll take it.

Total Word Count: 5,030

What happened: Betty met Mary Bayless, the richest woman in town, who invited her and the professor to dinner.

Favorite line(s):

Still smiling, she extended her hand. “I’m Mary Bayless. My husband John was a great admirer of the professor’s.”

“Was?” Betty asked as she shook the woman’s hand. “Did the professor do something to sour Mr. Bayless’s admiration?”

“Not at all.” Her smile wavered only an instant as she said, “Mr. Bayless passed away earlier this year.”

“Oh.” Brilliant deduction there, Agent Blake. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

C25K/UFYH: Not a durn thing, on either count. But I was right about yesterday’s Pilates workout leaving me sore, so I don’t feel too bad about it.

Other: Took Sasha back to the vet for a checkup. The vet told us that she attended a seminar the other day and learned about an experimental treatment that might help. She ran tests and Sasha’s blood count’s not quite high enough to qualify her for it, but the vet is going to do some more research to see if we can do anything to build up her red cell count enough that we can go through with the treatment. It won’t necessarily save her life, but it sounds like it has a good chance of slowing things down and buying her some time and relieving her pain.

Otherwise, I finished the development stage of my client’s website, and now we just need to load in the content. I don’t know how close she is to having all of the copy written, but I’m hoping it’ll be ready to launch by the end of the week. I also got a call from my husband’s cousin, who had a new client lead for me, which if it pans out will shore up the rest of this month for us, so my fingers are crossed that that’ll work out.

Easter Sunday

Well, this last week kind of went off the rails after we took Sasha to the vet on Wednesday, where we were told that it would take nothing short of a miracle to save her and that she’s probably only got about two months left. That’ll definitely put a damper on your day, to put it lightly. So the focus now is on trying to help her feel better and keep her quality of life up for as long as possible. Of course, we’re still praying for that miracle, because you never know.

At any rate, for the last few days I’ve only been as productive as I had to be, and Matt and I have both been spending most of our free time pampering and loving on our kitty. We’ve been taking her outside to enjoy the lovely weather, which I suppose to an indoor kitty is tantamount to going to Disney Land.

Yesterday was actually a great day, in spite of everything — I jotted down some scene prompts on note cards in preparation for Camp Nano, then after a Walmart run (the only unpleasant part of the day) we swung by the deli at Harp’s and picked up some fried chicken and catfish and had an impromptu early Easter dinner. On the way out of Harp’s, we met a lovely gentleman who had injured his leg in Viet Nam and wanted to share some prosthesis advice with Matt, which turned into an interesting conversation in the middle of the parking lot, as these things do.

After stuffing ourselves full of chicken and catfish (and fried potato wedges and coleslaw and dinner rolls), we spent the afternoon hanging out in the back yard with Sasha, Pete, and Matilda the turtle (Niblet and Boudica were both content to stay inside and snooze), soaking up the warm weather and semi-fresh air. After we came back in, I made a pair of earrings for a friend’s birthday, and then we got in bed and watched a couple episodes of Justified while I finished up this belt that I’ve been working on for about a month.

Today, we’ve had church, and some Easter candy, and I’m waiting for some boiled eggs to cool so I can devil them and we can have protein munchies along with more Easter candy, to balance out all that sugar. And then I will make some more jewelry, since all my tools are already out, while I catch up on my shows. We might take Sasha outside again at some point, and later on we will surely watch Doctor Who and more Justified (we were planning to watch The Ten Commandments, but apparently this is the year that they finally decided to stop showing it every Easter, for some reason). We could have gone to my mom’s today for a big family Easter to do, but I’m at a place right now (and I believe Matt is, too) where it’s just too hard to be the odd childless couple out on kid-centered holidays. It’s all just too much of an in-your-face reminder of what we’re lacking. But we’ve been enjoying our low-key, child-free holidays surrounded by our fur-babies and the freedom to act like big kids ourselves.

Tomorrow: Camp Nanowrimo kick-off, client stuff, and Sasha goes back to the vet.

Happy Easter, everyone.

Update on Sasha Kitty

So we’re back from the vet, and it’s worse news than I’d anticipated. Sasha’s cancer is back, and so is the infection. She was dehydrated and running a fever, so they gave her some IV fluids and antibiotics and loaded us up with two different kinds of oral antibiotics and some vitamins.

The vet sounded hopeful and said she believes there’s a good chance that by taking care of the infection Sasha’s immune system will become strong enough to keep the cancer from growing and spreading, and then we can figure out what to do from there. And I might end up having to learn how to give her subcutaneous fluids to keep her properly hydrated. At any rate, we’re asking those in our circle who pray to do so for our kitty. She’s a tough girl. She came back from that surgery fighting and we believe she can beat this, too.

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